Slap Happy
by LuxaLovesLawnmowers
Summary: It wasn't every day Ibiki was slapped on the ass. Of course, for Sai, this was almost an everyday occurrence.


Disclaimer- I don't own Naruto.

Part two in my Konoha Eleven Ibiki pairing collection. I've decided to add the Sand Siblings to the mix, which makes it sixteen? stories, I think.

Sai's up to the plate! Enjoy!

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It wasn't every day that someone slapped Ibiki on the ass. Anko did it once, and she never did it again because Ibiki confiscated her dango supply the next day. But there was a second person, a person he'd never expected to touch his ass in any way, shape, or form. It took a lot to shock the interrogator of interrogators, but that did it.

Another shocking factor was that it was Sai who did it. Ibiki had worked with Sai before, when Danzo was trying futilely to muscle in on Ibiki's territory. Ibiki had gently but firmly pushed him back where he belonged, which was the group of ANBU even more of a collective asshole than Ibiki.

And now Sai, barely a man, was pulling a move likely to get him castrated. You really had to wonder if he was sane. And this was coming from Ibiki, the master of all things questionably crazy.

After a while, Ibiki decided that he would wait for Sai to make the next move, if he was planning on anything. Ibiki was not about to put himself at a disadvantage or make something out of nothing for the sake of quick knowledge.

His efforts (or lack of) were rewarded within a week, when he heard a knock on his door. He was pleasantly surprised, since usually no one knocked on his door, opting to barge in instead. It turned out to be Sai, with a somewhat endearing expression of confusion on his pale face.

"I read a book that says when you make a physical expression of interest to someone, they will take notice immediately and respond with their feelings. I made an obvious expression on my affection, and I was ignored. I do not understand."

He seemed sincere, so Ibiki swallowed his chuckle. "I'm not by-the-book, Sai. You'll have to do better than that to attract my attention."

Sai's eyebrows rose. "Are you…baiting me? Forgive me, but it takes a moment for me to figure these things out."

"It means what it means. I don't think you're an effective shinobi if you can't even read other people on a basic level."

He switched to pouting mode. "I don't think it's very professional to insult another shinier."

"Says you, the king of all penis jokes."

"That was years ago."

"Not many."

"Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to go to hell?"

"If you don't have a better comeback, yes." Ibiki set down his pen and shook out his cramped hand.

"May I ask you a question?"

"If you must."

"What do you think of me?"

"What do I think of you?" Ibiki regretted saying that. He hated people who just repeated what others said.

"Yes."

"I don't know you very well, Sai."

"An interrogator of your status doesn't have to. You probably know everything about me."

"Fine, have it your way," said Ibiki, shaking his head. "I used to think you were mildly annoying when Danzo would shove you on me, with your annoying fake smiles and your badly veiled comments on my masculinity and attractiveness."

"Used to?"

"You're a handsome young man who is finally learning what it means to be a person. I hate to tell you this, but spending too much time with me might ruin your chances of being normal."

Sai's brow furrowed. "What's normal? I hear people speak of this, but no definition seems to be true."

Ibiki sighed. "Don't be a smartass."

"Sorry. Those comments about you…they were intended to get under your skin. I didn't mean any of them."

"I know. I can sniff a lie a mile away. Did you really think I cared?"

"Was that a…metaphor?"

"It would be creepy if it wasn't."

"Ah…" Sai smiled. "You have a sense of humor! You're not as bad as you think."

"You have issues."

"That's what Naruto tells me," Sai clasped his hands behind his back and paced Ibiki's office. "Would you mind if I told you what I think of you?"

"I supposed not." This was proving to be an amusing break to his work. Then again, _everything _was an amusing break, considering the nature of his job.

"I think…you are a sexy man."

Ibiki struggled with his emotions. Half of him wanted to kick the stupid idiot out of his office and assume that he was playing a trick of him, and half of him wanted to smile and say thank you for a compliment he hadn't received since he was twenty-three. He didn't move.

"I also think you are very scarred and you have a façade set up to scare others away, but you are really a good person. May I continue?"

Ibiki didn't say anything, just watched him with an impenetrable gaze.

"I have a great physical attraction for you, and I hope dearly you do for me. I cannot really describe how the mere thought of you makes me feel, but it hurts and makes me…giddy, I think…at the same time. Is this all right?"

Ibiki's eyes darted to the blush spreading across Sai's pale cheeks. "Yes."

"I am also sexually inexperienced, if I may warn you. If you want, you could help m-me with this." Sai's stutter was borne of nervousness, and Ibiki smirked, although his heart was thudding inside his large chest. Was Sai really _confessing_ to him?

"I'm sorry if you view my interest as inappropriate."

"I don't." Ibiki stood up, walking calmly over to Sai, who took a step back. He hooked his large arm through Sai's, and strode through his office door.

"Where are you going?" asked his secretary, bewildered.

Ibiki smiled his first real smile in a long time as Sai struggled to keep up with his fast pace. "Lunch break."

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What'd you think? Review!


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